Original Sin

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:31 NIV

Well, I can honestly say that I feel like EVERYTHING is against me sometimes. I wake up abruptly and am given a choice to be irritated or joyful. I fix my family breakfast and have another choice, be annoyed that my daughter got syrup everywhere again or be happy that I have food to eat and a family to share it with. And before we eat, I have the choice to thank the Lord for the food and my family or just dig in. I have been awake less than an hour and I have already had at least three chances to turn to God. Did I meet my goal? Today, yes. But, there are 24 hours in a day, and you can't sleep it all away and hope that God is only looking when you are doing the right thing. It is a conscious effort, it takes time and it takes work to put one foot in front of the other and get up that mountain! 

Now, I am not the first person to ever struggle with this concept, I am hardly the first Christian to say "hey. this sucks and I have the answer, but I don't want to do that." If I had a fever, and I was so sick I couldn't do anything I would go to the doctor and he/she would give me an antibiotic, I would take it religiously (funny that we use that word for this behavior) for the full 10 days and would not give it a second thought. Because by day 3 I would be feeling like a million bucks. I think the true struggle with God is we get that immediate, YES! Powerful, covered in the holy spirit, honeymoon phase of turning our live to God, and then life happens, honeymoon is over! We have to go back to work, we have to take care of our family, we have to drive the same road, with the same people that were there yesterday. And God isn't there. He is back at home, or even at church. God is not a cap that we put on once a week and then forget about.  But, it is what I keep doing! Life is hard, and unforgiving and we are bombarded daily with the views of unGodly things.

When we turn to God the devil takes notice. We have a fork in the road each day at each moment and we have two ways to turn. One towards God and the other the Devil. And we are constantly being pulled in two directions. And the true test is which side will I let win? The honeymoon doesn't last forever in any relationship and God is no different.
But this is why I need to make God someone I meet with religiously. I am making a mom time, a time for me to grab my multiple devotionals, or something I have in my head and read about it, talk to God about it, and feel. That has been the hardest thing for me, for most of my life. My parents divorced when I was young and I was told to "feel" the sadness and cry if I needed to, and feel angry, but let it out in the correct way. Well at 8 the correct way was unknown to me. And no one wanted to hang out with the girl who cried all the time. As I became an adult "feeling" was something I could shut off, and not worry about until I was ready. And then one day my BODY told me it was ready, I was officially out of hiding space. I became very ill, in and out of the hospital and medication after medication and NOTHING worked. I was looking in the wrong direction. I AM NOT saying that mental illness can be cured by having a stronger relationship with God, I will talk about that another day. But I surely do believe that a healthy relationship with God can definitely make those bad days a little bit easier. 

I really went off on a tangent on this one, phew, I am not doing so well at this. I am not the first person to deal with this, Adam and Eve were. They were set up with some pretty nice digs! No rent, no stress, no need for clothes, lets name some animals, meet with God and enjoy this oasis that we have here. And Eve STILL stumbled, God put a fork in the road, the serpent, and she went the wrong way. And we are all still paying for this decision. But that is what 'will' is all about. I have to make the decision to turn to the light, take the antibiotics, or turn the other way and hope I don't die, or end up further from God than I want to be. I know the answer to the question, I just have to put aside my own failings, and fears and walk in faith. God gives us a choice, and EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY we have to decide which way we are going to go, and I won't make the right decision every time, and that is why I need to walk WITH him and not alone. Because I can not do this alone, I'm too human.