Today marks the one year anniversary of the death of my father, he lost his life in a pretty terrible motorbike accident. Now, my father and I did not have a close relationship, we talked occasionally and we exchanged cards and sentiments at holidays. My parents divorced when I was bout 7/8 and I was 110% a daddy's girl. And then *poof* he was gone, we (my brother and I) would see him in the summer with his new family and spend time together, but it was never the same. But he was still my dad, I honestly didn't think his death would hit me half as hard as it did. So much left to say, so much more to do before we crossed that road, and all of a sudden I was standing there and he was gone. Why would God let this happen? I wasn't ready, my family wasn't even close to ready. My Grandmother has always been an amazing matriarch of our family, that woman is as tough as nails. I honestly was afraid for her health, she was not doing well and still isn't. I cannot even imagine how difficult it would be to lose a child, and I do not want to find out.
This is one of the many examples of my questioning God, I guess it's a reminder of the question. I have been through a lot in my life and many times I have been kneeling and crying and just wanting to know 'why.' Why /take my babies away (miscarriages) why make us go through such terrible things? Why let me get so sick? Why take my loved ones? Why make this all so hard?
So, my response and interpretation.... May be a bit a cliché, but bear with me. How can we enjoy the light without the dark? But it is not nearly that simple. God flat out tells us we will have troubles!
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" John 16:33 NIV
I seem to keep coming back to this verse, but it simply reminds me that if I am having troubles, I am still alive and God is still here. I am human, and if I am lucky I have a good day to 70 years left to live this life. But after that is what really counts. I have a King that died on the cross for me and if I believe in him I shall have ever lasting life, won't be life on this planet, but life with him. And even if I'm wrong about this whole thing, and there is no life after this I am still content and comfortable with my choice to put God first in my life. I would rather live for something than die for nothing.
Back to the no light without the dark. Yes, bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to very Christian people, people who go to church every Sunday and pray without ceasing. Some people die prematurely, they get diagnosed with cancer and they end up homeless, bad things happen to good people. And sometimes what we interpret as good things happen to really bad people. I will leave that open to interpretation.
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27 NIV
We have a choice. We can believe that God has a greater plan and have faith that he knows what he's doing or we can depend on ourselves and risk building on the sand. Again, being a Christian does not make your life a bed of roses, but it gives you a great traveling companion. I think God has his reasons, and he is often referred to as the"Father." Well, any good father will teach you, don't touch the stove, it's hot, don't run into the streets there are cars... Etc. If your arm gets broken it hurts! And then you wear a cast, which is still painful, and eventually it gets better and your arm is scarred and may not be as good as it was, but it is WAY better than it would have been if you had not done anything. And this is where my opinion comes in. God puts us through trials to make us stronger, not only stronger as a person who has overcome an obstacle, but stronger in our faith and trust in him. Sometimes it takes a brick to the face to remind us that our strength is not in ourselves or the people around us, it is in the hand of God who stands beside us.
But this still leaves the question, why take people out of our lives? Why at 51 did my father have to die in a horrible way. I heard so many things in the days following, "he didn't feel any pain he died instantly" and then that he lived long enough at the hospital that he could have made his peace with God. As a medical professional I would like to believe that he passed instantly and was not in the pain that I can't even bring myself to imagine, but the Christian in me hope and prays that he made his peace and is in heaven with God. He meant so much to so many people, his memorial service was in a large church and it was full, I was shocked. Standing on stage talking about him and seeing all the grief and heartache and for what? What was the reason? I'm sorry, but "It was his time" just doesn't cut it for me. Now, I believe that we are all here for a reason and God has a plan for our lives. (My father was an organ donor and was able to donate to young children in an area nearby.) But, because we have free will and because the devil is alive and well on earth and in the people who do not follow God, that is when lives are taken for no reason. Every night before bed I read the news, "4 people dead in .....", "Husband and wife sentenced for death of their toddler." A nice dose of dreadful before bed, I should probably re think my bedtime routine. So if God is so great, and amazing and loves us so much, why do all of these things happen??? Why is there so much pain in the world? Why do innocent people suffer for what seems like no reason? My conclusion..... free will. God is in control and has a very large part in the things that happen to his people. He teaches us in different ways to become closer to him. But there is an ongoing battle between good and evil each and every moment of each and every day. PEOPLE take the power from him and decide for themselves to be evil and do horrible things. And I have decided that I am going to pray, and I am going to focus on the light, even when there is only one tiny sparkle in an otherwise black night. Each of us have to find a way to cope with the things that have happened in our lives, with the trauma we have endured, without some of the people we love, and learn to live with the depravity that we hear and see every single day, because our time here is a tiny blip on the radar compared to the eternity that has been promised to us.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NIV
It's all about focus and faith, not necessarily understanding the reason, if you focus on the reason you will miss the beauty we are also surrounded by. It's okay to have 'glass half empty days' just don't live there, fill up that cup and enjoy what you DO have.
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